Best Friend

It is true what they say, that talking to your best friend is sometimes all the therapy you need. I understand what you don't say (when you were at loss for words), know exactly what you feel (how naturally vulnerable and open you were with me), and see the pain in your eyes (even if you tried to hide your true emotions behind that meek smile, head thrown back, and arms in the air - your distinct mannerism that I've come to know so well). I'm glad I could be there in your greatest time of need - to give you a listening ear, a comforting word, and just be present, as you grappled to cope with your recent immense loss.

On hindsight, they say, "You don't know what love is until you fall in love with your best friend". I was lucky to have experienced that! We accepted each other, with all our flaws and quirks, and loved each other just the way we were, even at our most irritable. Oh how young we were then!

Songs from "Cracked Rear View" album by Hootie & The Blowfish (one of your favourite bands) are playing in my head - "Only wanna be with you" and "Hold my hand" during our budding romance and "Let her cry" when I ended things (which was painful coz I feared losing you forever, but I needed to be true to myself first and foremost).

I allowed you to take a chance at love but you have since come to terms that we are better off as best friends instead. I knew then (made you promise that should things not work out, we will remain best friends still) and I know now that our friendship will last a lifetime. There is no denying this fact!

How apt - today is your birthday and tomorrow is "International Friendship Day". I'm grateful to God for the opportunity to reconnect. When I pray and count my blessings, I count you twice coz you matter a great deal to me (when you are happy, I am happy). Have a blast on your birthday, Yaz. May you be blessed with only the best! Till then, take good care of yourself for me.

I'll end my post with Bon Jovi's "Thank you for loving me" and an extract of its lyrics. You're welcome ❤.

"Thank you for loving me. For being my eyes when I couldn't see. For parting my lips when I couldn't breathe... You pick me up when I fall down. You ring the bell before they count me out. If I was drowning, you would part the sea. And risk your own life to rescue me. Thank you..."

Hooked

Have you instinctively had that undeniable feeling in your gut with a certain someone? How it happened naturally due to the instant connection (kismet or serendipity?). Interestingly, there is nothing you can do to build a connection. It can neither be created nor be destroyed - it is either there or not. You can be apart for years, then reunite and still have that amazing connection, things just fall into place, the conversations just flow as it did before.

You can be compatible with many people but you only feel the genuine connection with one or a few (and you cannot explain it, mind-boggling, right?). I was advised by the wise - just be open to the experience and see where it leads you to. What have you got to lose? I'll end my post with the song, "Hooked on a feeling" and an extract of its lyrics.

"I can't stop this feeling deep inside of me. Girl, you just don't realize what you do to me. When you hold me in your arms so tight. You let me know everything's all right.  I, I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing that you're in love with me. I've got it bad for you, darling. But I don't need a cure. I'll just stay addicted and hope I can endure."

Companionship

A true friend is the one who brings us closer to Allah's compassion and grace. 

Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said, "The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness)." Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest depiction of you. He/She forgives your mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses.

Sayyidina Ali (رضي الله عنه) said: "A friend cannot be considered a friend unless he/she is tested on three occasions: in time of need, behind your back and after your death."

When asked, "What person can be the best friend?", RasululLah (ﷺ) counselled, "He who helps you remember Allah (ﷻ), and reminds you when you forget Him".

Imam Jafar As-Sadiq (رَحِمَهُ ٱللَّٰهُ) remarked, "My best friend is the one who gifts me my weaknesses and shortcomings" - the one who brings to your notice your defects and flaws so you'll improve and be the best version of yourself before your final return to Allah (ﷻ), attaining His redha (pleasure).

Just Because

Wanted to share one of my favourite songs, the soundtrack from the movie, "Chances are" (1989) starring 'Iron Man'. Wanted to share this, just because... ❤ 

"Well, here we are again. I guess it must be fate. We've tried it on our own, but deep inside we've known we'd be back to set things straight... Every memory repeats. Every step I take retreats. Every journey always brings me back to you. After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts. Two angels who've been rescued from the fall. After all that we've been through, it all comes down to me and you. I guess it is meant to be, forever you and me, after all."

Hugs

Thank you for the quick catch up, JR. I understood what you are going through because I know you are not interested in politics or engaging toxic people, which can be counter productive and unhealthy. You just want to do good work. I will help you look for possible opportunities. Catch up again after your return from your Japan trip - you need the break to de-stress and get your mind off work! Thank you too for the soursop leaves! So sweet of you - I feel blessed ❤

Beautiful Thought

Forest Blakk is a singer songwriter from Canada. The authentic honesty and vulnerability in his writing is underrated. For example, "The most beautiful thought" is him sharing his most personal thoughts and feelings, wrapped up in words, with the sole purpose of being felt by the likes of him. I could relate to it - having a standard in love coz you value yourself enough and deserve your equal (if not, your better half). I also like "Find me", "Fall into me", and the duet he did with Meghan Trainor, "If you love her" - feeling safe is important to me ❤.

Ihsan

AlhamdulilLah (praise is all due to Allah ﷻ) - I got an offer immediately after the interview! I appreciate it that the executive director, whom I will support and work closely with, was impressed with my portfolio (he said I was more than qualified for the job, especially with the strong recommendation letters I had) and liked my demeanour (that I asked important questions, showing that I take this vocation seriously).

I can't wait to get started in June! I have this feeling in my gut that I will encounter a lot of "first experiences" along the way and that excites me. I love the organisation's motto - "Khidmat bil Ihsan*" (Service with excellence*), be in a constant state of God-consciousness. I am just grateful to Allah (ﷻ) for clearing the required medical and security clearance. Mum reminded me I get to work there bi idznilLah (with Allah's permission). With that, wish me luck - bismilLah (in the name of Allah ﷻ)...

​ؕ رَضِىَ اللّٰهُ عَنۡهُمۡ وَرَضُوۡا عَنۡهُ ​ؕ ذٰلِكَ لِمَنۡ خَشِىَ رَبَّهٗ

*Allah well-pleased with them and they with Him. All this for the one who fears his Lord.

Haven

Mum and I went to my cousin's for his house warming today. He just bought a condominium - the first home purchase for his family - so I headed over to celebrate this milestone achievement with the extended family (an opportunity to gather with everyone and catch up on things).

On a side note, the property market in Singapore is 'crazy' (and it will get worse)! My cozy 3-bedroom humble abode is already more than half a million when I bought it last year. My cousin's 3-bedroom home is slightly past the 1 million mark! 

My cousin used to work at the mortuary (he was even interviewed by the local press)! He is now lecturing at a local university. He just got back from a conference in Germany, learning about the latest technology on embalming! Morbid, I know but it would make for interesting conversations later.

Through conversations, I learn a lot about life and one's character just from the way he/she talks about his/her profession - the struggles, sacrifices, and challenges that comes with the achievements. You've come a long way and I'm proud of you, kid! ❤

Fragility

The recent news of bereavement brought home the realisation of our fragile existence in this temporal world. When it comes to this fleeting life, we are not guaranteed a tomorrow. Therein lies the motivation to give everything you've got in every moment and cherish (be grateful for) what we have been given (not to take things for granted). Celebrate this gift of life that is so precious. While you still can, live it to the fullest, always accompanied by prayer and with good opinion towards God's decree, so you'll live it peacefully ❤.

Grief

To lose a parent is devastating enough (I experienced that with dad's passing); to lose both at the same time was something my heart and mind could not fathom. My heart goes out to my best friend for his deep loss. His parents' love must be so strong that God decided to relieve them of the immense pain (of loss) by returning to Him both at the same time.

Yaz, please take the time to grief but also be at peace that they have lived a long wonderful life, filled with love (and God is sparing them further agony from their illnesses and sufferings on this earth, purifying them before their return to Him). I am here if you need to talk things through. I'll end my post with the song, "I'll stand by you" and an extract of its lyrics ❤.

"Don't be ashamed to cry. Let me see you through cause I've seen the dark side too... So, if you're mad, get mad. Don't hold it all inside. Come on and talk to me now. Hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too. Well, I'm a lot like you... I'll stand by you. Take me into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you. I'll stand by you."

Thank You

We celebrated Mother's Day at Uncle H's recently. I got the help of my cousin to order a lovely cake for all the mothers who were present. Every day should be a celebration of our beloved mothers coz as they say, "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world". Never underestimate the immense influence of mothers. Ma, I may not say it as often as you'd like me to, but I love you. Thank you for being there, especially during my most vulnerable moments ❤

会いたかった

どうしていましたか。旅行中にあなたから連絡がありませんでした。それはあなたが楽しんでいることの良い兆候です。あなたの旅行について聞きたいです。それまで。気をつけて。会いたかった。❤

Hatsukoi

Filmed around scenic Sapporo, Hokkaido Japan and Húsavík Iceland, the 9-part Netflix series about a first love between Yae Noguchi and Harumichi Namiki stood the test of time. The ending made my heart leapt for joy - they reunited after a tragic separation and got their happy ending after going through much of life's tribulations and traumas. Fate is indeed an enigma (a mysterious thing)! Harumichi said, "This is my treasure - the story of my first love." The series revived the song, "First Love" (1998) by Hikaru Utada, which I love a lot (brought back nostalgia of time capsule, etc). Below is an extract of the lyrics (translated to English). Daisukidesu... ❤

"Just as time (frozen in its tracks) is about to move again, there's only one thing I can't forget. Tomorrow around this time I will surely be crying, thinking of you. You will always be in my heart, there will always be a place only for you. I hope that I have a place in your heart too. Now and forever, you are still the one. Now it is still a sad love song, until I can sing a new love song. You are always gonna be my love, even if I fall in love with someone again someday. I'll remember to love, coz you taught me how."

Mirai E

When mum stays with me, I would sometimes professed that I often feel the pain (throbbing warm sensation) in my gastro-intestinal area that made my sleepless nights uncomfortable. I also lamented if I would live to see Eid next year (and so I wanted to make the best of it this year). 

Mum advised me to brush off those negative whispers in my head and told me that for as long as God bestows me the gift of life*, I should remain grateful (make the most of every day), be steadfast in my efforts to heal and continue to trust His Wisdom and Protection. She'll be with me every step of the way. Love you, ma. I'll end this post with the song, "Mirai E" (1998) by Kiroro - face your future and slowly walk on - and *QS al-'Anam 6:17 ❤.  

وَاِنۡ يَّمۡسَسۡكَ اللّٰهُ بِضُرٍّ فَلَا كَاشِفَ لَهٗۤ اِلَّا هُوَ​ؕ وَاِنۡ يَّمۡسَسۡكَ بِخَيۡرٍ فَهُوَ عَلٰى كُلِّ شَىۡءٍ قَدِيۡرٌ‏

"And if Allah should touch you with adversity, there is no remover of it except Him. And if He touches you with good - then He is, over all things, Competent."

Family

Mum and I could relate when Uncle H and Aunt Sal shared their assessment of their daughter's (my cousin's) potential hubby candidate. Indeed, love is blind and my cousin needs the love of family to protect her welfare (for the long term) and prevent her from being blindsided. The thing with women is that they fall in love so easily and would bend backwards for the one they love (that is their nurturing nature). Mum said it best when she advised my cousin, "Find someone who will love you more because he is more invested and will take care of you - a gentleman will make an honest woman out of you, the right way, with your parents' blessings".

Dear cousin, the feeling of being in love is wonderful isn't it? If he is right for you, Allah will facilitate the process. Trust that He has reserved the best for you. So be patient. And thankful for the unconditional love of your family who wants only the best for you. I'll end my post with the song, "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia and an extract of its lyrics (it is about a woman who thought she found the perfect man, only to find out he was Mr Wrong all along; to say she is taking it hard is an understatement - she's so upset that she ends up cold and ashamed for being blindsided).

"Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light. But you crawled beneath my veins and now I don't care. I have no luck. I don't miss it all that much. There's just so many things that I can't touch. I'm torn... Illusion never changed into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel."

Grams

Still in the Eid mood - accompanied mum to visit Aunt Rose and Aunt Sofy today. My uncle from KL will visit mum tomorrow. And the extended family is planning a trip to Malaysia next weekend to complete the Eid visiting. Keenly aware of life's frailties, spending quality time with family becomes a necessity. Nonetheless, the mood and spirit of Eid celebration is somehow no longer the same with the passing of grams. We used to gather over the weekends in Ramadhan to break fast with grams. And the first day of Eid was always at grams' where the extended family would gather (close to 50 of us!). We would capture the moments in photographs. Still missing you after all these years, grams. My prayers for you, always ❤

Hopes & Wishes

Do you have a bucket list - things you hope to achieve in your lifetime and somehow you've lost sight of them, distracted by the mundane life routine, preoccupied with work? I recalled the scenes from the movie, "A Walk to Remember" (based on a true story) - how sweet Landon Carter helped his love, Jamie Sullivan (who was dying of leukemia), ticked off as many items from her bucket list.

I was relieved that Jamie came clean and informed Landon of her ailing health instead of keeping it a secret from him (especially him). She was honest in confessing that she was scared of not being with him (coz she loved him), "I do not need a reason to be angry with God (for making me feel this way about you, putting me in this predicament; there must be a reason for it)". And in the end she got her answer - that Landon was the 'miracle' in her bucket list (her 'angel' who helped her through all that she was going through)".

After her passing, Landon reminisced his time with her as he looked forlornly at the sunset smiling, "There are moments when I wished I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have a feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well. I miss her but our love is like the wind - I can't see it but will always feel it." That's life, you accept the good as well as the bad. Only then can you make the best of those moments and capture the memories for a lifetime. I'll end my post with the song, "Only Hope" sung by Mandy Moore (who played Jamie Sullivan in the movie) ❤ 

Confidante

Spent time catching up and had a heart-to-heart talk at Y's today over a sumptuous meal (*aww* so sweet - she actually cooked instead of ordered in!). Entering her home again, I was reminded of the time I used to bunk at her place for a couple of weeks before my new home was ready (wonderful memories of the time we spent together). Only your close friends (wise beyond her years) would say it like it is (no mincing of words), which I deeply appreciated (I needed that). I'm instinctively reminded that, "Friends listen to what you say while best friends listen to what you don't say" (she knows me well; I'm 'an open book', she said). She was the one who introduced me to Integrated Body Therapy (IBT) and I'm benefitting much from the sessions. She knew what a determined girl I am and was confident that I would beat the cancer (keep the faith!). Thank you - I feel blessed for your love and support. I'll end my post with this poignant song, "Let Somebody Go" and an extract of its lyrics.

"All the storms we weathered, everything that we went through. Now, without you, what on earth am I to do? When I called the mathematicians and I asked them to explain. They said, 'Love is only equal to the pain'. And when everything was going wrong,  you could turn my sorrow into song. Oh, it hurts like so, to let somebody go."

Rain

Call me silly but have you ever danced in the rain the first 10 minutes it started? Feel the wind caressing you? It is an exhilarating feeling (therapeutic as well)! The imagery of rain is that of mercy because after the rain, the sun will reappear and there will be life. Analogous to that, after the pain, there will be joy welcoming you around the corner. And love is like the air - you can't see it but you can feel it. So try it, take my hand and join me in the dance - if we cannot weather the rain, how can we brave the storm? And not all storms come to disrupt your life; some come to clear your path. I'll end my post with a poem and a song, "November Rain" ❤

"Be free - dance like nobody's watching. Be kind - love like you've never been hurt. Be true - sing like nobody's listening. Be real - live like you'll die tomorrow."

Sparks

"The Best of Me", a movie adapted from a book by one of my favourite authors Nicholas Sparks, is a love story between Amanda and Dawson. It captured the enduring power of first true love, the elusive second chance (after fate kept them apart for years yet they never stopped loving each other), and the unexpected ending (what a tear-jerker!).

Tuck, the one who reunited them, wrote in his letter to Dawson (about the connection he saw between Dawson and Amanda), "There's a lot of magic between you two. Ain't no denying that. And magic makes forgetting hard."; In his letter to Amanda (and I love the imagery he used) Tuck said, "Pain has deep roots. The only way to dig it out is to forgive." Go watch the movie (I'm not about to spoil the plot for you!).

If I could write a book, story of my life, I wondered how the ending would be? Just a thought! Anyway, it has been awhile since I picked up a book by Nicholas Sparks. Might just get back to reading (food for the soul, fuel for the mind) again, a hobby I love since I could remember ❤